Borders Vibe Experiment

Tonight I focused on vibe. My opener was hi. I cleared my mind of amusing thoughts. I tried to focus on mirroring the vibe of the person or people I was talking to.

Warmup Approach: Borders Cafe Barista
We talk about rain. I get her name.

Approach #1. Middle Aged Lady
ME: Hi.
Her: Hi.
ME: What do you think of the firetrucks?
Her: Pretty exciting. It reminds me of a disco floor.
(Here I should have said "I like that you're a metaphorical thinker." Or I should have kept silent until I thought of a good statement of appreciation. In a bookstore environment, at worst this would have been a comfortable silence, and at best, a vacuum.)
ME: I totally love to dance.
Her: Yeah, I can tell you like to rave.
ME: Lol, I love to read.
Her: I said rave.
ME: Lol, I like that too! Actually I haven't been to many raves. I like the disco better.

Approach #2: 38 Year old Political Activist
ME: Hi.
Her: What are you reading?
ME: A book about _____.
Her: Then she goes on and on about the governement for an indefinate amount of time.
We also relate on a number of topics, including music. I tell her about my summer camp nation building experiences.
We exchange emails.

Approach #3: Borders Cashier
We talk about rain. A bit of banter. I get her name.

Approach #4: Two girls, one pretty one ugly. Deserted parking lot, 11:00. I linger for a moment before approaching.
ME: Hi. (big smile on my face)
Them: Hi.
ME: How are you?
Them: Fine. . . (cringes)
ME: Nice night out. (I start getting nervous here)
Them: May we help you?
ME: No, I was just bored so I thought I could come over and say hi. You guys looked friendly.
Them: Oh. Well, we're having a very close conversation.
ME: Oh. Ok. Nice talking to you!

Possible reasons why this last approach jolted my frame:
1.) Blindfold driving / logistics (the deserted parking lot, 11pm at night) / the fact that they WERE having a close conversation and did not want to be interrupted
2.) Although my vibe was mirroring theirs, I did not assert any sort of direction or ask for committment in the interaction. This made my approach a bit sterile. I should have shook their hand or introduced myself. Instead, I was waiting for something to happen. . . and in return, I let something happen that I did not want to occur.
3.) I did not follow the three second rule. Instead I created an impression that I was lurking.

Next time:
1.) Statement of appreciation if they tell me to go away.
2.) No lurking. Follow the three second rule.
3.) Get some commitment in the interaction. Find some way of introducing myself while also mirroring the calm, peaceful vibe.