Xenakis Approaches Three Sets in Dupont Circle

Xenakis and his wing approached three sets last night, exceeding their goal to approach two sets and remain with them for ten minutes of more.

After chatting a bit at Baja Fresh with his wing, the two went on to a bar near Dupont Circle. Xenakis was initially treated rudely by a woman standing by the bar, but his wing pointed out later that she was with her boyfriend. The first "real" set the two approached was a three set of interns working for a US Senator. Xenakis's wing walked up and started signing to one of them. "I wasn't sure what was going to happen," Xenakis commented. In fact, the girl started signing back.

Meanwhile Xenakis talked to the other two girls, a cheerful, snug intern from Maine and her quiet friend. "I feel bad about leaving the quiet one out of the conversation," Xenakis said. "But the more talkative one kept asking me all of these questions." When Xenakis asked her to tell him a story, she replied "that a little demanding." Xenakis proceeded to tell another story, but by that time they were bored and other interns had walked into the set.

"I should have SOIed a lot earlier," Xenakis reflects. "That would have kept the interaction more interesting. But I couldn't find anything *sexy* about her. She was definately *cute* when she made this face at me, though. I could have told her she was cute, and used that as a stepping stone to getting her to do something sexy later on. In retrospect, there was actually a lot of kino." Meanwhile, Xenakis's wing number closed the third girl in the set.

In another section of the bar Xenakis's wing again approached a three set with the sign language opener. Not long into the interaction the set doubled in size as their guy friends rolled in. Unsure of the relationship between the women they were talking to and the new men in the group, Xenakis decided to focus his attention on them. "It turned out they were just friends. I actually liked them. While we were talking, there was this massive influx of hot women in the bar. We joked around about that."

Xenakis approached the last set at Cosi, a pair of thirty-something women, a civil rights activist and her friend. "Like the mother and daughter he approached sitting at the same table a week ago, these two asked me where I was from. I think there's something about Cosi that makes people think I'm a tourist, but it always leads to good conversation."

At 1:00am Xenakis and his wing parted ways. On the Orange Line back to Virginia, Xenakis spotted a floppsy. A group of ten George Mason students, returning from a Dashboard Confessional concert, all took off their shoes at the same time. "Those shoes must be terriblely uncomfortable!" Conversation commenced into discussion about music and fashion. Xenakis paraded around in one of the girls' shoes. "I really wanted to talk to the cute ones on the other side of the car, but I couldn't figure out how to tactically get out of the set I was in. Then I AMOGed this guy by accident. He was boasting about how his pin stripe blazer was from Nordstroms. It leaked out that I saw a great blazer that looked just like it at a thrift shop. Then I started feeling sick from my red bull and vodka and had to go sit somewhere else."

Xenakis Shows Improvement in Approaching

WEDNESDAY NIGHT, GEORGETOWN. With three new wingmen by his side, Xenakis made steady improvements in his energy and commitment to approaches, reuters say. Highlights of the night included his approach of a moving set two hundred feet away across a body of water, and opening absolutely the hottest girl he's ever seen since the girl he saw walking up Florida Avenue six days prior.

"I couldn't have done it without my wingmen," Xenakis boasts, all three of whom took coaching from the same company as Xenakis, though not the same instructor.

All four gentlemen commented on the scarcity of people on the rainy Wednesday evening, in particular, the sparseness of attractive women. "I think I limited my beliefs in these comments," Xenakis commented the next morning. "Just because there weren't any hot women did mean we couldn't have talked to the guys, or the older women to stay in practice."

Eventually Xenakis chased down the a red headed woman who he thought looked like a college friend. At first the lady and her two friends were walking away, and Xenakis thought it was "too late." At the encouragement of his wingman, Xenakis decided to approach anyway, 39 seconds overdue of the 3 second rule. By this time the set was over two hundred feet away on the other side of an immense fountain. When Xenakis finally caught up, she introduced him to her girlfriend and guyfriend and chatted for a minute or so, but then kept moving.

After that, the four stood outside Old Glory for a while, though it was as empty as drum. When Xenakis stopped a group of women to find out where a better place to go was, they turned out to be Vermonters. "They liked it a lot down in DC, they hate the weather in Vermont. I told them about the lousy winter I spent with my cousins in New Hampshire, though I do enjoy the ice cream Vermont's mild summers have to offer," Xenakis recounts.

The most crowded bar the four men could find had about two tables full of people. At one of the tables, Xenakis found out, a girl named after a women's college was celebrating her 21st birthday. "They seemed friendly. One of the girls asked me how many drinks I had," Xenakis told reporters. "I decided to be honest. I told them I was an ex-wallflower trying to climb the social ladder. She appreciated that, but ultimately I froze myself out. I couldn't compete with tip calculations and check divisions." Meanwhile one of the other guys got the phone number of a beautiful young lady sitting all alone.

After that, Xenakis decided to chill for a while and get to know his new pals. "One of them's a surfer, which I think is way cool," Xenakis SOAs. Suddenly, the back side of a woman caught his eye. "I had to approach. When I saw her face I knew I had won the Hottest Girl of the Day Challenge. I caught her right before she stepped into a cab. She told me Manhattan's was a good place to go on Wednesdays, but by that time I was too tired to stay out. I shook hands with my new friends and drove back over the Key Bridge into Old Dominion."

Xenakis Goes out at Night for the First Time Since San Francisco in Good Company

FRIDAY EVENING, DUPONT CIRCLE. Xenakis had his first night out in Washington, DC since his instruction two weeks prior in San Francisco. Visits included a billiard hall, a bookstore, and a hookah bar, says the associated press.

He was joined by two skilled wingmen. One was a friend from New York who Xenakis admires for his compassion for people, long term relationship experience, knowledge of sexuality, and interest in David Deida. He was also joined by a man who, with his deafness, molded himself into a charming PUA and became minor character in "The Game," by Neil Strauss. "I'm really like these guys," Xenakis says. "I hope I can be better friends with both of them and go out on a regular basis. We share similar values and goals, and we all have something unique to offer each other."

Their first stop was Cosi. A girl and her mom were roasting marshmellows and making smores on Cosi's renouned mini-stoves. Xenakis had never seen such a contraption, and asked them what it was. In not much time he was sitting with them, and the mother, being of Missouri hospitality, offered him a marshmellow. "We talked about work and travel. She lamented the conservative nature of Missouri; I gave a lesson on how to find the volume of a pyramid," Xenakis remembers. "Though the funniest part of Cosi was when my David Deida friend was hit on by a transvestite."

Next the trio went to Buffalo Billiards, but ended up just chilling and ordering drinks. "It was great just hanging out with them. I wrote the history of my love life on a napkin."

At Kramer Books, the next stop that evening, Xenakis opened a geeky German physicist from North Carolina in a yellow pique polo shirt entertaining his parents for the weekend with a trip to DC. They spoke German for twenty minutes until Xenakis got bored and/or could no longer understand him.

At the hookah bar, two girls pulled the gay card on Xenakis and his David Deida friend. "I took it as a compliment," Xenakis gloats. Then David Deida started a conversation with a beautiful Palestinian lady sitting on the other side of them. Xenakis entertained five other people sitting with her. "One of the girls wants to be a teacher. I appreciated her idealism."

The last conversation of the evening (with the exception of the drunk guy on the street who works at the country club) was with the bouncer of the hookah bar. "I can't remember much about him," Xenakis apologizes.

On Saturday evening Xenakis was too tired to go out, so he researched "interesting" things about people on facebook.

On Sunday Xenakis went to Border's Books and Cafe. Xenakis recounts: "First, I tried to strike up a conversation with a twelve year old in the children's section. Bad idea. Then I got too nervous to approach another girl in short short jeans. But I made up for it with two solid conversations in the travel section. It seems like all I have to do is walk up to someone in the travel section and ask them where they are going, and I'll get a wonderful conversation out of it. The first girl I talked to went on and on about her travels in Eastern Europe.

I did not realize how sexy the second lady was until almost the end of our conversation. She (or her friends) had been all over the world. A soon to be substitute teacher, I warned her to stock her pockets with candy before going to school every day. When I reached out my hand to say goodbye and ask for her name, she did not shake my immediately. She had books in both her hands. I kept my hand suspended in mid air until she put down her books. 'It's so nice nice,' she said, 'no one ever shakes my hand.' I did not go back to get her phone number.

"On Tuesday I went back to Borders to see if she was still there, but alas she was not.

"So I talked to an older woman, a personable woman from Peru. Her daughter had an inspiring math teacher. I could tell that she cared for her a lot. I told her of my travels in Mexico, and why I couldn't speak Spanish. The conversation lasted a long time with multiple threads. We both were eager to share our experience of school and travel.

"A good week! If I can average one good conversation a day with a stranger, I think I am well on my way to a more fullfilling social life. Just talking with people is so uplifiting, and I look forward to the day when I can truely appreciate people and take my relationships to an even deeper level."

Friday afternoon at Borders

I stare at a map of Borders Bookstore. I exchange eye contact with H, working the information desk. She is talking with P, her coworker, about college courses.

H: Are you looking for anything in particular?
Me: No, I'm just looking at your map.
H: What section of the map are you interested in?
Me: Actually, I'm looking at the whole map. Is it new?

Apparently, I am still in map mode. Meanwhile, she keeps trying steer the conversation back to what books I'm interested in.

H: Oh come on. You must be interested in something. (1)
Me: Well, what do you have to recommend to me?
H: What are books do you like to read?
Me: I like poetry. And I like learning foreign languages.
H: What language are you interested in?
Me: Well, I don't know yet. I want to buy the Rosetta Stone, but it's expensive, so I want make sure I choose a good language to learn.

Then P interjects, asking me all about the languages I've learned and the programs I prefer. She tells me I should learn Russian, because I speak German and I already know about cases (2). I find out what her major is, but not much beyond that point. I tell her that the best to learn a language is to learn with a friend, but sadly none of my friends are into languages (3).

H: I think you'd like a Spanish novel. Gabriel Garcia Marquez.
Me: I love him.
H: You should read "One Hundred Years of Solitude."
Me: Why?
H: Just the style of writing. It's so other worldly.
Me: And how does that make you feel? (4)
H: Um, good I guess...
P: (to the side) Is he a psychologist?
Me: Come on, let's go find it.

She gets it for me, and I find out her name, but she leaves before I can talk more to her.

Later I go back to P and talk about language learning. When the topic winds down though, I leave (5).



Comments:
(1) Here, I totally could have said something like: "I love that your so assertive!"
(2) P is very knowledgeable about languages. I totally should have talked to her more, it seems like we have a lot in common. She's very intellectual. I should have told her that, but I guess I was too entranced by H's assertiveness dominating the conversation.
(3) I should have put a positive spin onto this. "None of my friends like learning languages, but I'm always making more friends, so maybe this will be the year I finally master Punjabi!"
(4) "How does that make you feel" was a canned line, and P totally picked up on it with her psychologist comment. Here's how it could have gone:
H: It's other worldly!
M: Wow, I totally appreciate other worldly writing. It really just takes me and puts me in this other dimension. How does it make you feel?
H: Um... good.
M: It makes me feel good too. I'm a composer, and I love other worldly music.
H: You do? That's so cool! I like to write poetry and paint coffee mugs. It really puts me in this state!

My first entry

It's been almost two weeks since my bootcamp in San Francisco, and I'm not sure what to make of it all. If I learned anything at bootcamp it was that this stuff IS possible, and I CAN do it if I just put my mind to it. But improving my social skills will take work, and I have to make sure I have realistic expections of myself and know how to proceed from here. Since I know for a FACT my life can be better, I no longer have any excuses to not work for my goals. No more accepting life as it comes, no more sitting at home and moping. I can change my life if I want to, for the better. It's the amount of work it's going to take that intimidates me.

Let's rewind to bootcamp.

April 6th, San Francisco.
I man-hug a stranger.

But more importantly, my instructor pointed out a number of simple habits I carry that are worth breaking.
1.) He noticed that when I talk, I always point out how I'm different from other people. Instead of doing this, I should notice the similarities. There are ways I can relate to people, even if we have nothing in common, because we all experience the same emotions.

2.) When I converse with people, often I only talk about facts. I need to find out interesting things ABOUT the people I'm talking with.

3.) I give approval to people when they don't necessarily deserve it.
ME: Where are you from?
HER: Belgium.
ME: Cool!
But all she did was give me a one word response. Is this "cool?"

4.) I need to have more commitment in my interactions. He first noticed this during my first three attempts to man-hug. I gave up too quickly.

I've been practicing "commitment" a lot recently. There are two critical moments I always experience during an interaction when commitment is especially vital. The first moment when I must decide to approach. The second moment is when I must decide to continue the interaction after my new friend has responded to my opener.
ME: What time is it?
HER: 7:36.
ME: Thanks! Uh....
...And I've lost commitment.

In each instance, I can pinpoint the moment my commitment starts to weaken. It's kind of cool. I've never been so aware of my own emotional responses. The only problem is that by the time I notice my commitment weakening, it's too late and I walk away.

-------------------------------------------------

Fieldwork for the weekend:
1.) Train myself to ANTICIPATE when my commitment will break down. Ultimately, an interaction will die if I don't commit to it with either a vacuum or a story. I need to think ahead in order to prevent this. The longer I can stay 100% committed to an interaction, the more likely my friend will tell me something interesting about herself and we will establish rapport.
2.) Think up questions that will allow me to find out interesting things about people that are appropriate for the situation I'm in.
3.) Approach 15 people.

Extra credit:
1.) Get blown out of an interaction.
2.) Have someone ask me "Is this an interview?"
3.) Really enjoy an interaction with someone, male or female.
4.) Get a woman's phone number.